I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
