Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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