my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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