weddingsv make me drug and hornr
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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