every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
