ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
