Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
