I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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