peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
