Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Randomize
