I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Drake has all the answers
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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