Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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