you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
