So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
