Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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