Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
how drunk are you?
Several
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
