my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
We had to coat check the pizza.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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