non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
