I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
