I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
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