I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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