direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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