So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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