Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
