Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
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