I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
