The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
