Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
