dude i'm inner monologue high
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
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