Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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