you traded sex for a burrito?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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