My hand turned me down
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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