He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
