it's too hot outside to masturbate.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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