Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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