My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'm too high and old for this...
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
