those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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