He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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