it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
