the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
