You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
