That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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