Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
