I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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