I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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