I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Do vagina's smell?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Randomize
