i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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