tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
