dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
