well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
And then he peed in my hair
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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