I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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